Dishwash Olympics
Originally appeared in Issue #23

Patti and I do not own a dishwasher. This is not a huge problem because we enjoy washing dishes by hand. Okay, maybe we don't enjoy it, but we do it.

But then something happened. Patti began referring to herself as MVP when it came to washing a sink full of dishes. I asked if I could also be MVP since I wash an equal amount of dishes. She said no, but that I could be MVP, Jr. or something similarly condescending that parents tell their kids to make them think that they are helping. That's when I devised a little competition called Dishwash Olympics.

The rules are pretty simple. For every dish that is washed, the washer receives a fixed amount of points based on the chart below. After one week (a/k/a seven days), whoever has the most number of points earns the definitive title of MVP and gets to look like an asshole on the internet.